College Firsts

Hi Everyone! I’m not really sure who’s going to read this, but I feel it would be productive for me to write about things I’m having issues with rather than stew and let myself get angry with them. Let’s start with the basics:

My name is Bonnie, and I’m currently a sophomore (but only for 2 more weeks!!) in chemical engineering with a pre-medicine concentration. When I graduate I want to either go to medical school and get my MD and also get a PhD in biomedical engineering, or I want to go to graduate school and get a PhD in either biomedical engineering or tissue engineering. If you can’t already tell, I’m a major science nerd and love talking about scientific ideas, theories, and future scientific endeavors. The goal is to leave a legacy behind for my university in science, engineering, and chemistry, and hopefully create a scholarship program in my name or my mother’s name for girls in high school pursuing an engineering degree!

I’m also in a leadership program specifically designed for future leaders in engineering and STEM fields. Through this program I’m required to be involved in two organizations at least, so I’m also involved in my scholarship hall, tutoring, a club I helped create for women interested in medical careers, and research here on campus. I love all of these organizations and hope to stay involved with them over the next two years.

I guess the title of this post needs a bit of an explanation. I’m not talking about firsts like first boyfriend, first time getting drunk, or other stereotypical college firsts. Nope, I’m here to talk about some rough things in college like getting my first C in my entire academic career last semester or having an anxiety attack in the middle of an exam.

The big first I’m experiencing right now is dealing with “mean girls” in college. People always say that mean girls cease to exist in college because you get busy with classes, are able to separate yourself from these girls, or don’t care what they do because they hold no power in the sphere of 25,000+ college students. But what happens when you live with these mean girls? What happens when you do something to piss them off and their entire goal for the year is to tear you down to the point where you can’t build yourself back up again? What happens when they infiltrate your life and you can’t get them out without harming yourself in the process?

I’m currently running for President of my scholarship hall against one of these mean girls. Normally this would be no big deal as I did it last year during our election process. But this year is different. One of the mean girls, the one who “rules” them actually, served as our President last year and ran for the position again. She lost to a girl who is 1000 times nicer than her and who that group had been bullying for months, which set them off. The first thing they did was infiltrate our brother hall to give our current President’s boyfriend a superlative called “The Golden Condom Award,” which is usually reserved for the resident that bags the most girls. Obviously this was the most horrible thing they could do to her at the time, and their goal of ruining her was achieved. Do they not know how heartbreaking it is to listen to someone cry because they think everyone hates them? Do they even know they caused this? I’m sure they do, but are just ignoring it. I’ve done it and ignored it, and it’s one of the things I regret most.

Now these girls are coming for me. They’re playing dirty in this election and they’re playing a game I don’t want to play. They’re bending the rules and even breaking our Constitution to play the game to their advantage. You’re probably thinking “Why are you stressing about this? It means they’re insecure about the results of the election and think you have a better chance of winning!” I’ve tried telling myself this too, but it’s just not the reality of the situation. I’ve never seen people want to destroy someone so much just because they can. So this raises one question: what do you do when mean girls go to college?

You do nothing. You don’t give into their game. Sure, you might have to put up with it, but you never give in. It’s a sick game they play and I don’t understand why I’m the target in this spitting match, but I have to deal with it. Nobody will fight this battle for me, not even our Scholarship Hall Director, except myself. It’s the same with all mean girls in college. They don’t care who they hurt as long as they get their way. There’s no good way to deal with this other than giving them a big middle finger and hoping they move on with their lives. The only person they end up hurting is themselves in the end.

Rant about that: over. I’ve had a lot of positive firsts though! My first date, my first real guy friend, my first independent research project, among many other awesome firsts that I can’t think of right now. Right now the negative is dominating the positive, but these positives will always outweigh the negatives in the long run.